Category Archives: I’m Satan

When In The Land of Weird Do As They Do

I Used to Live with a Narcissist

UPDATED 17 May 2015

In some ways, everybody is a narcissist.  A little bit of pride – a little bit of boast – a little bit of bravado.  These people were in Band in the public school system.  They were cheerleaders or majorettes.  They were on the football or basketball team.

There were not, however, on the swim team.**

There is a difference.  A healthy amount of confidence not to be confused with self-worship or idolatry of a greater being or of a tuba or even a greater devotion to nothing. Or not.

I Love Me

I Love Me

WEIRE2

I Think

Sometimes people don’t even realize what they are doing.  They are so wound up that they become insensitive to what is actually going on around them.  They think evil is at work and they become so offensive (in a blindly stupid sort of way) that they begin to produce actual evil themselves.  They have been “hooked” by Satan.  Or Facebook.  Same thing.

Twitter to the Rescue!

Every kid on this city block has two facebook identities.  And one of them is a cop.  The other one has one leg missing (not a military vet but a bassoon player who fell out of the 3rd floor dorm window) and plays Angry Birds at least 3 hours every day.  Twitter Users – on the other hand – are flying across the country to a gig in a small town of sheep-herders and/or riding in a helicopter in Iraq with Lance Armstrong.

There is a big difference.

Tim Dick

Tim Dick

Facebook users get too narrow.  They think they are on a virtual soapbox that a Liberal Mayor from AnyTown Democrat USA proclaimed as Rainbow Required Reading Month has etched into your psyche and sealed it with hummus.  I see a trail of cashew crumbs (ignored by fuzzy cats) leading to a calcified pet drinking fountain next to the refrigerator – and next to that a stack of Sunday inserts dating back to The Hindenberg.  Focus.  Come on, people.

I really don’t care about your opinions because they are so beautifully displayed like a magical desktop publishing program from AOL using technology developed by Xerox in 1977.  Give it up. There are real IT people making real advances in computer wizardry who have to re-certify their skills every 6 months let alone try to get Pagemaker to run on X-Box.  Shut Up!

I'm a freaking Genius

I’m a freaking Genius

You know the ones.  They are smarter than you are because they listen to NPR.  They don’t drink alcohol.  Ever.  They are so broad-minded that they check only Snopes to form the basis of their doctoral dissertation and they have just re-modeled their kitchen to the tune of $16,000 and they don’t  cook but 4 times a year.  Gluten free.

It is a real disorder.  And 99% of you nut cases don't have it!

It is a real disorder. And 99% of you nut cases don’t have it!

Get a Grip on Yourself

If a person decides to engage in a creative writing experiment – a new form of entertainment which I will term “TXT Comedy” for lack of a better acronym (for now) – and it produces reactions like the threats of a SWAT Team coming to your house while you are away on vacation  – it is not because you are stupid, it is because you have placed your mind somewhere the sun does not shine.

Please Remember God Loves You.  Whether you believe in Him or not – that is your freedom of choice and I won’t try to force legislation to make you bake me a Masonic birthday cake with swastikas on it – and enjoy Life and Be Yourself.  Don’t judge others.  And eat a balanced diet of grains that will return your bowel movements to normal and help divert your attention away from me for a bit.

**Apologies to my high school teacher buddy John Wieck (wherever you are) who was not the guy responsible for making so many of my graduating classmates’ homosexual in later life.  I’m okay with that.  Just ask Paco at Grand Coney.