COMEDIANS IN CARS GETTING COFFEE
Robert Klein is still very funny after all these years…………….Enjoy!
Robert Klein is still very funny after all these years…………….Enjoy!
This is a picture of me and Newt Gingrich posing as Gap Models (meaning sad, hungry people staring into the distance away from one another). I like to take these because they make me laugh. A few weeks ago I was a guest on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and so was Newt. His staff people, or whatever politicians call their posse, seemed nice so when I met Newt I asked him if he would take a silly picture with me. He said “Sure. Tell me what to do.” So I told him what to do. He didn’t really get the “sad” part down, but he tried and was a good sport and quite friendly. I liked him. I don’t usually agree with him and I’m aware of just about every public fact about his not so stellar private life, but I liked meeting him. And I wanted to take a nap on his belly. He was soft, warm and snuggly. It was like being hugged by a Republican Teddy Ruxpin. So, I posted this picture on Twitter. For a laugh. I am a comedian. I am not a philosopher, politician or anything else to be taken seriously. It says “comedian” right there on my Twitter profile. Well, after posting it, I was slammed with hate posts from people on the left. They couldn’t believe I would pose in a picture with him and call him a good sport. Well, I did and he was. I was shocked that anyone takes anything I do seriously because I certainly don’t and I’m the one in charge of me. Even writing that sentence hurt my head. Nonetheless, people did take it seriously and reacted with the usual awful amount of hate social media can drum up. I think anonymity empowers people in the worst ways but I really couldn’t believe it.
But, let’s back up for a second.
I know relatively nothing about ‘celebrities’ unless they are comedians I am actual friends with. I don’t watch E! or any of the shows where I would get information regarding these celebrity people. I’m just not interested. I preferred the old days where we knew little about celebrities and what we did know was probably made up. Oh, Liberace is in love with and married a lady? Good for him. I doubt it . Whatever. Who cares. But at least up until about ten years ago, in order to become a celebrity you had to do something. Anything. Sing. Dance. Eat Fire. Juggle babies. SOMETHING. Now, ‘celebrity’ is an actual job. Whatever that means. Snooki and the Kardashians. I don’t know what any of them do but I’m assuming nothing because I’ve yet to see them do anything so I’m not interested in knowing more about nothing. If you like that kinda stuff, well then I’m happy for you. Seriously, good you for. We all have our thing. I’m usually watching people being murdered on the ID Channel, super weirdos on NatGeo, sports or politics. So unless you’re murdering someone, hunting alligators in a swamp, hitting or catching a ball or debating politics, I probably don’t know or care who you are.
So, when I was heading over to NBC, a friend texted me and said that Newt was one of the other guests. I was really excited. I’ve watched him for 20 years in every televised debate that he’s ever been in. As I said, I don’t usually agree with his positions but I respect him. I never voted for him but I loved that he was in the game. He’s played the game well and hung tough. He’s smart, and I’d bet he’d be the first one to tell you that, but I also admire that kind of confidence. I don’t have it. He’s old school and I like old school. His debate performances were always lively and his look of complete exhaustion combined with eye rolling whenever Michele Bachmann spoke was spectacular. He looked at her like a gnat that flew into his dinner party. I respect his love of history. I’m a history geek and it’s nice to know there’s other geeks out there. I like that he clearly likes a steak and not the gym. I couldn’t agree more.
I don’t understand exactly when and or why the division between ideas has become so personal. I have been friends with Larry the Cable Guy for 20 years. He is right leaning. Not a crazy person, just conservative. I am left leaning. Not a crazy person, just less conservative. For Christmas, he has given me Rush Limbaugh books and I have given him JFK biographies. We can agree to disagree and agree on more than people would think. I really think if everyone on congress picked someone from the other side and took a Gap Model picture with them, it might be the start of actual conversations. If we can start with a laugh, maybe we can build from there. If we don’t start somewhere, we will arrive nowhere. And that last sentence is the deepest thing I’ve thought of in 15 years so I should stop writing while I’m ahead of where I thought I could be. I say cheers to Newt for not taking himself too seriously and cheers to the people who did understand that is was for fun and a stupid laugh which I believe is what I’m supposed to be in charge of.
UPDATED 17 May 2015
In some ways, everybody is a narcissist. A little bit of pride – a little bit of boast – a little bit of bravado. These people were in Band in the public school system. They were cheerleaders or majorettes. They were on the football or basketball team.
There is a difference. A healthy amount of confidence not to be confused with self-worship or idolatry of a greater being or of a tuba or even a greater devotion to nothing. Or not.
I Love Me
Sometimes people don’t even realize what they are doing. They are so wound up that they become insensitive to what is actually going on around them. They think evil is at work and they become so offensive (in a blindly stupid sort of way) that they begin to produce actual evil themselves. They have been “hooked” by Satan. Or Facebook. Same thing.
Every kid on this city block has two facebook identities. And one of them is a cop. The other one has one leg missing (not a military vet but a bassoon player who fell out of the 3rd floor dorm window) and plays Angry Birds at least 3 hours every day. Twitter Users – on the other hand – are flying across the country to a gig in a small town of sheep-herders and/or riding in a helicopter in Iraq with Lance Armstrong.
There is a big difference.
Facebook users get too narrow. They think they are on a virtual soapbox that a Liberal Mayor from AnyTown Democrat USA proclaimed as Rainbow Required Reading Month has etched into your psyche and sealed it with hummus. I see a trail of cashew crumbs (ignored by fuzzy cats) leading to a calcified pet drinking fountain next to the refrigerator – and next to that a stack of Sunday inserts dating back to The Hindenberg. Focus. Come on, people.
I really don’t care about your opinions because they are so beautifully displayed like a magical desktop publishing program from AOL using technology developed by Xerox in 1977. Give it up. There are real IT people making real advances in computer wizardry who have to re-certify their skills every 6 months let alone try to get Pagemaker to run on X-Box. Shut Up!
You know the ones. They are smarter than you are because they listen to NPR. They don’t drink alcohol. Ever. They are so broad-minded that they check only Snopes to form the basis of their doctoral dissertation and they have just re-modeled their kitchen to the tune of $16,000 and they don’t cook but 4 times a year. Gluten free.
If a person decides to engage in a creative writing experiment – a new form of entertainment which I will term “TXT Comedy” for lack of a better acronym (for now) – and it produces reactions like the threats of a SWAT Team coming to your house while you are away on vacation – it is not because you are stupid, it is because you have placed your mind somewhere the sun does not shine.
Please Remember God Loves You. Whether you believe in Him or not – that is your freedom of choice and I won’t try to force legislation to make you bake me a Masonic birthday cake with swastikas on it – and enjoy Life and Be Yourself. Don’t judge others. And eat a balanced diet of grains that will return your bowel movements to normal and help divert your attention away from me for a bit.
**Apologies to my high school teacher buddy John Wieck (wherever you are) who was not the guy responsible for making so many of my graduating classmates’ homosexual in later life. I’m okay with that. Just ask Paco at Grand Coney.
Who remembers Sergeant Schultz? You know – Hogan’s Heroes with Camp Kommandant Colonel Wilhelm Klink and Air Force Colonel Robert Hogan in a Nazi POW Camp? He “knows nothing” and gets a chuckle to this day (John Banner, Actor) even from Germans who adore the show for its silliness.
Nothing! Not even the last name of this guy. He’s just Andreas L. to us. And that’s why everybody here is so pissed off at some of the German media for revealing, like, his entire name and everything!
We Germans respect his privacy, you see. Even though he’s dead – along with the other 149 innocent people he killed. Oops! We don’t know that yet. No jumping to conclusions here, folks. At any rate, we’re crazy about privacy. Some say we’re even stark raving mad about it.
In the U.S., it’s standard operating procedure to release the names of people who are suspected of committing a crime. But in Germany, where people are far more sensitive about the line between public and private, that is not done. Critics in the country have cast the move as a reckless rush to judgment, and accuse the media of exploiting the tragedy…
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A photo posted by The Don’t We Boys! (@thedontweboys) on Jan 17, 2015 at 9:29pm PST
Articles abound and once again public sentiment has been swayed by arguments and “scholarly” journals who scoff at fundamental American ingenuity and the sum of the effort can be categorized as simply a shell game. One collective sees opportunity to “grow” credibility by making a rather silly debate out of……..wait…….nothing. But – this ‘nothing’ has kite-string ties to capitalism, greed and corporate mischief, eh? It’s always been about money?!? But it is really for corporate industries like Golf, Shopping and more “Bad Guy” interests to make you suffer twice yearly by disrupting your bathroom schedule?
It’s not about returning to common sense at all. It is about nudging the public euphoria away from progress and productivity. There is little else that normally busy spin-meisters have to do with themselves during periods when they have to show something to justify their existence. I know! Let’s create an issue about Daylight Saving Time! Let’s make use of an opportunity to show ourselves we look smarter by spinning a tale or two (or three) and we may even make ‘progress’ in our fight against Conservatives.
LaughFest will attempt to break a Guiness World’s Record for wearing paper crowns on March 5th, 2015 in Grand Rapids, MI. **UPDATE – The Worlds Record Attempt has been moved indoors! It will happen at Fountain Street Church in the Sanctuary. Please arrive no later than 5:30pm on Thursday and be sure to allow yourself time to find legal parking. The church is located at 24 Fountain St. NE. Click Here:
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — It wouldn’t be a LaughFest without a world record attempt. And Tuesday morning, we learned what record organizers will try to break: the most people wearing paper crowns.
Gilda’s LaughFest plans to kick off this year’s festival by inviting the community to help set the Guinness World Record on Thursday, March 5. The current record for largest number of people wearing paper crowns was achieved on July 22, 2014 by 1,324 participants and was accomplished at Sathya Diabetic Centre in India.
The Community Kickoff will take place at Rosa Parks Circle in downtown Grand Rapids. The first 1,500 participants will receive a commemorative LaughFest button. A limited edition LaughFest t-shirt will be available for purchase.
Amway will be providing hand warmers and hot chocolate to individuals in attendance. The world record attempt will be followed with opening night events at downtown restaurants and a free comedy…
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